Tag Archives: scott
July 1, 2011
When I first met him, I didn’t know at first what he was. He was the size of a rat running across the apartment quad, tiny tongue flapping out the side of his open mouth. When I got up close, I could see he was a little puppy… a happy dog.
Inside our apartment, I used to get down on my hands and knees and dangle my long hair over him; he played and nipped at it.
He was so proud to climb up the stairs; he just didn’t know how to get down. Even when he learned how, he would always be timid and cautious doing so.
When I fell asleep on the couch he would curl up on my neck just behind my ear and stay there until I got up. In bed, he slept right up against my side… a hot little coal.
Over 17 years, our lives were indelibly stained by his presence. He greeted us when we came home and he helped us garden and with chores around the house. He was our companion on the couch when we watched TV and he was our companion when we slept.
He was our constant companion.
Winter was coming. His aging and arthritic body wasn’t going to make it through. As our family vet administered what was to be his final sleep, I could see he was a little puppy… a happy dog.
November 8, 2010
My brother, almost 4 years my senior, is a bully. Now that might not be a great thing to admit and out him on my blog, but I haven’t spoken to him in over 3 years so I doubt I’m assassinating his character… not that he will care.
Did you catch that? I’m still concerned about him. Despite over 40 years of mental abuse, sadistic games, and hurtful words I still care about him. But he has shown no remorse for the hurts he’s inflicted. And he certainly has shown no concern to anyone that I am no longer part of his life.
That’s fine. I’m done. I made the split and it suits me fine. Why?
I don’t have to worry about what new mind fuck he will pull out on me at family gatherings. I no longer have to hear his thinly veiled taunts about my weight or my accomplishments. And he can no longer target my wife with his garbage.
And the fact that it still bothers me indicates how deep his bullying has affected me. Is it just me and my wife he’s bullied? I don’t know. He’s still married and has kids and is on good relations with the extended family. So either I was the sole target or he has another outlet. I believe the latter.
Because the problem with a bully isn’t that they bully. The problem is apathy. It is the indifference to emotion in others. They bully to feel something, but that something always ends up empty. They don’t care that it is wrong. The apathetic bully lacks empathy. Maybe it has never been displayed to them or maybe they’ve been bullied by a higher power and they think there is some satisfaction derived from it, no matter how temporary.
And there is. Learned behavior delivers satisfaction, just like a cigarette does, or a crack pipe does, or a shock and pellet does.
But the satisfaction is transient. So the behavior continues. And the illusory satisfaction continues to self, not others. That is the apathy.
So what is the solution to the apathetic bully?
Exactly. Don’t look to me for answers. You don’t ask a person traumatized by bullying for the answer. They’ll just tell you they want the bullying to stop. They want the bully to care about their feelings.
That answer will just make a bully keep on bullying.